So this is kind of a late post. I had written it a while back, but never got around to uploading it. So maybe think of it as a reflection back to when I went home instead of an immediate reaction post?
It really does feel like my two weeks back home passed by in
a blur (and if I was perfectly honest there were maybe one or two small things
that I could have done without too). It
also felt a little weird to be honest.
It was kind of strange being in my room left almost the same way I left
it, but at the same time being there as a guest. I did miss being home, and it was really nice
seeing everyone again. LOL I even missed
my shadow following me around (my cat Tygra was in my lap at almost every
opportunity, which I think was like her way of saying she missed me). A small part of me feels like time was wasted
while we stayed at my uncle’s house.
Whenever we go visit family for an extended period of time it kinda
feels like that though. I think it’s
since I don’t have the freedom to go and come when I please, and am usually
bound by what my parents have planned to spend time with my family. Then add to that probably the worst case of
jet-lag ever! I felt so sleepy during
the day at around 3, and then I was up and ready to go in the middle of the
night. I think I would have liked more
time to just hang out with my sisters and friends, or just go to the movies or
something with my mom and dad, but sadly time was limited. I’m committed to staying for another year (I
feel almost like I must, I feel like there is still things I want to do here
while I’m in Japan), but at the same time another small part of me wondered if
I want to stay longer than that. I felt
myself questioning a little if I wanted to return after my 2 years right away
or if I wanted to stay in Japan a little more…
The rest of the week at work after I got back was pretty
easy. LOL we had a lot of running around
with elementary kids the first two days, and then a fairly easy day on
Friday. Now I’m at the beginning of my
second week back in Japan (though I wasn’t actually in my apartment I was
actually in Japan starting last Monday).
We had a holiday on Monday, so today is my first day going back to the
schools. As if to point out just how
different a place I’m living in right now compared to where I come from, it was
actually snowing this morning! As I
drove to school I got to see beautiful big white snowflakes lazily drift to the
ground (and for whatever reason it wasn’t cold enough to stick or something so
it melted on contact), and it continued that way for about an hour or two. I think it’ll be nice to get back into the
swing of things though. Going to classes
and sitting at my desk figuring out what I’m going to do for the rest of the
week. If there was one thing I’d change…. I’d love
to have a little more free time during holidays. I can easily save up money, but at times I
feel like I really don’t have much opportunity to go vacation around Japan like
I’d want to. I want to be able to plan a
trip out to Osaka, maybe re-visit Nara, or find some random spot in Japan to go
visit. The next long break I can think
of that I MIGHT have would be at the end of the school year. For Japan it is soon, the middle to end of
March (can you believe it is just a few months away??), but what I’m unsure of
at the moment is how much of that will I actually get off? I have a feeling I’ll be headed back to the
BOE between years, though it would be awesome if we got a little bit of time in
there somewhere for vacation. I kind of
find it unlikely though, so I have a funny feeling that my next extended
vacation will be Golden Week when my parents come to visit me.
Sorry, but I think I’m going to get a little deep here… I feel like there are 2 sides of me against
one another at the moment.
On the one hand, I love living here! Getting to be my own person, and going on
adventures through Japan! It’s easy to
do since I’m single, and while I miss my family, I don’t have a boyfriend or
husband to consider. (lol speaking of
being on my own, I really should buckle down and just get my housework
done. I’ve gotten really lazy about
letting the apartment go crazy and just living in it…) I also love the work I’m doing! I love getting to go from one school to the
next, and teaching these kids about English and my life in America. The only
downside being that I don’t really get the same vacation time I would if I was
teaching back home, since I’m actually an employee of the Board of Education
for the town if school is not in session then I report to the base office that
day. That’s not to say that it’s hard
work either though. To be honest I don’t
really have anything to do there, so unless something gets put on my schedule
I’m usually just sitting at my desk studying Japanese or just kinda killing
time.
Then there’s the other side.
The part of me that realizes I have a job, but that it’s also only a
temporary one. This part of me is eager
to settle down and start a family, and find a more permanent job. As much as I love being here, it’s the side
of me that wants to plan vacations with friends and family during the summer or
other holidays. The part of me that
feels I should already be in a relationship at least and headed toward maybe
marriage and a family of my own. And
it’s not because I feel like some sort of society pressure to be in the “norm”
for my age, but rather it feels like something inside me that I want. I guess it’s that maternal instinct to want
to have kids of my own, and care for them with my husband. Since I helped raised two of my little
cousins I’ve felt that kind of motherly bond with them, and it’s almost like it
kickstarted a desire to have it for my own.
And it’s not just kids, but at times there is also the feeling of
wanting to share my life with someone else (and hopefully they don’t mind a
couple of cats too since I can’t imagine leaving Tygra alone while I’m at work). To have that partner and friend to come home
to and share our day with each other. LOL
dare I say it, but I feel a little like a kid sometimes when what I want to be
is an adult! Sure there is jobs, bills,
and taxes to pay; along with other various responsibilities, but I feel like
I’m ready to start doing it! Sometimes I
find myself daydreaming about what it would be like in my own home. Talking with my mom and sisters to figure out
whose house we will be celebrating the holiday, or planning get togethers at my
house just for the fun of it. It’s nice
to imagine at times coming home to Tygra missing me while I was at work,
getting comfortable, making something for dinner (or at times just re-heating
leftovers), and just watching a movie or some TV with that special
someone. I can even add at times playing
with children and getting them ready for the next day. Now, I’m not completely naïve, and I know
it’s not going to be all sunshine and rainbows, with the picture perfect home,
but even that little bit of crazy will be welcome I think. Because at the end of the day I’ll get to sit
there and look at where life has brought me, and give thanks for it.
Again, sorry for the kind of off topic, deep internal
meditating, but I think I knew I just needed to type it out for a bit.
